Dancefloor @ Coogee Bay Hotel Sydney

Saturdays @ Coogee Bay Hotel
Assessment Time: Midnight – 03:00AM
Opening Hours: Unknown – 03:00AM
Lockout: None
Website: www.coogeebayhotel.com.au
Address: Coogee Bay Rd, Coogee, Sydney
Dress Code / Door Policy: Casual was ok tonight. Sneakers and hats allowed. Half the crowd wore t-shirts, the other half, casual collars. Only a handful of people including us were nicely dressed. I certainly felt very well dressed as I walked in tonight.
Entry Fee / Cover Charge: Free tonight, but these guys have the fingerprint scanners installed. I get worried when a venue has this technology as it would only mean violence has occured here before.
Guestlist: None tonight. It was a regular Saturday, and the Coogee Bay Hotel does its own promotions.
Occurence: Every Saturday bar special events where entry fee applies.
Inside: The actual club is just one section of the whole complex – similar to how The Albion is setup. Walk in and the live band room is on the right, sports bar on the left. Keep walking in to enter the large beer garden at the back, and bistro on the left. On the right is the club. In the walkthrough video below, we walk from the entrance straight into the club. The clubbing room itself has a wooden dancefloor to hold about 100-150 people comfortably. Some lounges around the surrounding carpeted areas. It feels a little bare, but the whole place is dark, so you eventually forget about the barebones setup. 
Cloak Room: None
Bar: Did not buy from the bar tonight. However throughout, the line was about 2 people deep. Expect at least a 5 minute wait.
Music: Non-Commercial House, Dubstep, Rnb/pop mashup.
Crowd: Mostly young people here. Teenagers and early 20′s. A handful of people in their 30′s as well, who have come for a bit of a dance after dinner I guess. Pretty much everyone here was caucasian, and probably locals. I would not imagine a non-local making the trek all the way out here on a regular night.
Entertainment: No MC, no podiums. Just the DJ and dancefloor, and some UV lights
Atmosphere: It was busy throughout the whole night. It never got too packed, so you could always have room to dance. Sometimes it got close to squishy but nothing to worry about – you could dance somewhere else – the dancefloor was large enough to accommodate - people danced on surrounding carpet areas as well. Pretty dark in some places around the floor but lighting keeps the floor itself well lit.
Evictions: I saw 2 dudes in total kicked out for being drunk. One was ready to start a fight on the dancefloor. The other was throwing TAB betting sheets all over the sports room and pretended nothing happened when questioned by security – paper littered all around him – hilarious.
Video: Walkthrough

Click here to view the embedded video.

With a coogee local! That is not how he normally looks.

Conclusion: This place is friendly for all natios. Way more than The Mean Fiddler, even though I liked it there.

The short man
There was a short man who looked amish but had a brown beard, and he danced funny. For a good 5 minutes he stood there pointing his hand in the air, his finger tapping an invisible button. He was surprisingly dressed well like us. You can see him as part of the 360 video below:

Click here to view the embedded video.

The next 2 hours was spent consoling this random person. She kept telling us that we could keep the money as long as she gets her passport back – as if we would steal stuff! She didn’t even want to go to police, as she assumed she had to bribe them to get anything done – thats how it operated where she came from. We are pretty lucky. Anyway, harsh lesson learnt – use a cloak room. Oh wait, this place didn’t have one. Lesson is, don’t ever put your little purse down.

Post Mortem
Next day, it was revealed that when the club closed, the dude who was meant to take care of the bag forgot he was meant to take care of the bag. He thought it was a strangers bag thinking that the lost bag would be reported lost to police (it was), he dumped the bag on the sofa instead of handing it in to bar staff. He didn’t want police on his back. What a douchebag. A few days later, the bag was handed back to the backpacker, minus all the cash.

Arrivederci
We are ceremoniously kicked out at closing time. The sports bar room remained open if you wanted to keep on drinking.

Recommendation
A generally friendly crowd and good dancing atmosphere and music to break some moves to. However the night was ruined with the lost bag and Martys lost phone. People are so unfreakingreliable. I’m sure this place has its merits though I probably won’t come back here – it does take a while to get here from the city.

Saturdays @ Coogee Bay Hotel: 5.5/10

Hugos Lounge Sydney Dancefloor

Saturdays @ Hugo’s Lounge

Assessment Time: 09:00PM – 11:00PM
Opening Hours: – 03:00AM
Lockout: None
Website: http://www.hugos.com.au/
Address: Level 1, 33 Bayswater Road, Kings Cross, Sydney
Dress Code / Door Policy: Appears to be strictly smart casual. Collared shirts and dress shoes for men. Dresses for women. Inside I don’t recall any non-collared shirts or guys just wearing casual. Women all are dressed very well. Hats allowed. No mohawks. 
Entry Fee / Cover Charge: Free on birthday guestlist. $20 after 10PM from what I heard from someone who was trying to get in, but I do not know for certain about this. 
Guestlist: See website.
Occurence: Every Friday and Saturdays
Inside: Walk up the set of stairs to the forked entrance. Take the right stairs to visit the bar and lounge area. It’s mostly for stand and talk and drink. Take the left set of stairs to walk through the narrow walkway and into the main room. Another bar is presented along with an entirely carpeted area with lounges along the walls. An area in the middle for dancing. Overhead disco balls roughly mark the designated dance area.
Cloak Room: None
Bar: Cocktails are roughly $17-$19 each.
Music: House by DJ Dolso
Crowd: Mostly older caucasian crowd. People mostly in their 20′s and older. Being more of a classy place the people are more well behaved.
Entertainment: It was just the DJ
Atmosphere: Definitely pretentious, but the people on the dancefloor seemed pretty friendly which was good. The whole place is very dark, so I guess thats a good thing for everyone.
Video Walkthrough

Click here to view the embedded video.

Timeline:
In terms of actual dance time, it would have been no more than 30 minutes because it was still early. People started to get their boogie on at around 10PM but it was on off until around 10:30PM when there was consistently people on there (abour 4-8 people, which was enough for this small dancefloor area).

It kind of reminded me of the old Privilege bar where it was also dark and small, but here at Hugos it was way classier. Probably a better comparison is that of Loft Bar down at King Street Wharf.

Arrivederci
We left at 11PM. Friends were going to leave, and on top of that I had planned to visit Coogee Bay Hotel.

Recommendation
As this place suggests, it is more of a Bar than a place to club, but dancing is permitted here in the small dancefloor. I am more about dancing than lounging around so I probably wouldn’t come here for an awesome dance, but I wouldn’t mind having drinks here or a birthday. A very nice venue in general but not one for clubbing.

However potentially it could be better at night, as it was only 11PM when we left.
Hugos Lounge – 4.5/10

How loud is it you ask?

Here’s a video:

Click here to view the embedded video.

Later at 4 or 4:30 the DJ changed to someone else, and the music was less danceable for us, and we left.

Crowd is all caucasian. At this time the place still had about 30-50 people which was amazing. Drinks are good value too.

Me and Marty were dancing crazy style, and got some dancers with us. A guy came up and insisted we dance using our middle fingers as instruments as part of the dance. So we ended up dancing around with our middle fingers in the air, around the place, etc etc. Interesting.

Oxford Art Factory is a nice place to visit for a dance, if you are into the housey/dubstep kind of scene.

7/10 only for lovers of the music genre advertised that week.  I cannot recommend for normal innocent clubbers.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Also, I met a girl dancing guessed her name was Cherie. She said it was Sherry. Close enough. I am pretty awesome.

Arrivederci
Left as the place was quickly dying. I think it was 02:30AM.

Recommendation
Not a place for pure dancing. The Argyle is a place for drinking and dancing if you want. Recently renovated it looks pretty good as well. Check it out for a drink if anything else. No rating as this place doesn’t qualify.

Main dancefloor area - Glasshouse, Wollongong NSW

In Wollongong (an hour from Sydney) tonight to check out the clubs. We have just left The Ivory, I am fuming and swearing to god about their bullshit no camera policy. Across the road is The Glasshouse, the next place on our list of clubs to visit, so here we go!

Saturdays @ The Glasshouse Tavern

Assessment Time: 12:30PM – 01:30AM
Opening Hours: Unknown – 03:00AM
Lockout: None
Website: No website available at time of writing
Address: 90 Crown St, Wollongong
Dress Code / Door Policy: Casual ok. No hats allowed inside. It was 50/50 casual, collared shirts for guys. Most girls had dresses. Dress up costumes were ok in here as well, as there was a group of people dressed up as the members of KISS.
Entry Fee / Cover Charge: $10. We bargained the door girl to $5 for the four of us each.
Guestlist: None
Inside: As you walk inside the premise there is an outdoor courtyard, albeit very small. Walking inside the Glasshouse itself is large bar area to mill around with stools and tables. This is to the right. To the very left is a two stepped podium to hold about 15 – 20 people. In front of you is the main dancefloor, elevated from the rest of the bar (the entire Glasshouse venue is on a slope) to hold about 150-200 people. The entire place is wooden floor board.
Cloak Room: None
Bar: Did not drink here
Music: RnB, House, Pop, Top 40
Crowd: Mostly local Aussies / Caucasians. Young.
Entertainment: No MC. Just podiums.
Atmosphere: In the dancefloor it was constantly packed, and people were dancing about, but not much signing along. The vibe didn’t seem to be there – I think the venue itself just was a bit too airy for intimacy. Outside the dancefloor in the bar areas, it was not that busy. You could easily get a stool if you waited around for a minute or two.
Video: Walkthrough

Click here to view the embedded video.

Timeline:
Taking over the club – before we got in
Even before we got in, we were outside deciding whether to go inside or head on to Illawarra Hotel / Hostage X. Being the Glasshouse, the walls are of glass, and you can see inside. People inside can also see outside. Exploiting this fact, Marty and I just said ‘fuck it’ and we started dancing outside one of the glass walls, while people in line look at us. Soon after a minute or two, about 30 people inside the club closest to the glass window are staring at us and cheering us on. We have, again, taken over the club but this time, without being inside the club! Brilliant stuff!! Someone even walked by and yelled out ‘GROW UP!’ to us as we danced. I will take that as a compliment thank you very much.

No Vomit Here
A local had advised us the Glasshouse was pretty filthy and dirty. So much so that they even sprayed vomit over the cash registers to keep patrons away from the money, ha! Well that was a few years ago though. Tonight it seemed to be a clean open place, and there was not a trace of vomit or slime to be found, I am pleased to report.

An odd location for a podium
The main dancefloor was always busy, and its pretty spacey. However there provided no mechanism for us to take over. The podiums did not overlook the dancefloor at all, they were in a different section altogther, and it overlooked the patrons who are drinking at the tables and stools. It was more of a tiny performance stage converted to a podium for tonight. So when you stand up to dance at the podium, you don’t get much of an audience.

The bar stool seating area - Glasshouse, Wollongong NSW

Arrivederci
It was reaching 1:30AM and we were no longer feelng the vibe at all. We still needed to Visit our next club !

Recommendation
The music played here caters for all the younger crowd. Big venue, and it doesn’t smell or stink as previously insinuated by the locals. So if you haven’t been back here in a while, do try it out again, but do go with friends – you will find yourself pretty lonely without someone. The vibe just isn’t here. Whether it was the fact that it was a glasshouse and there was light coming in or it was just too airy – I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

Saturdays @ The Glasshouse – 6.0/10

Crowd at The Ivory, Wollongong NSW

Four of us are here to check out the Wollongong nightlife for one night – We just left The Harp Hotel, and we are off to the next club down the street – it’s Ivory Bar, so here we go!

Saturdays @ Ivory Bar
Assessment Time: 11:30PM – 12:30AM
Opening Hours: 8:00PM – 3:00AM
Lockout: None
Website: No website could be found.
Address: 77 Crown Street, Wollongong NSW
Dress Code / Door Policy: Probably safe to dress smart casual here. Most people were dressed smart, though casual was allowed you would be probably looked down upon. No hats allowed. No photography allowed.
Entry Fee / Cover Charge: $10 flat charge all night
Guestlist: None
Inside: Imagine The Establishment in Sydney, but without the back room, and half the size of the main room / bar area. This is exactly what you get at the Ivory – You walk into a lengthy room with one bar to the left adoring the wall. There is a section behind this wall for smokers. DJ booth (I cant even remember if there was a DJ booth) should be at the front. There is a big LCD screen displaying random messages set by the people here partying tonight. Lounges near the entrance and to the right hand side. Main dancing area is at the back.
Cloak Room: None
Bar: I did not drink here tonight. The bar specializes in cocktails, so you can imagine the prices at this bar to be of the upper end range.
Music: House / Funky House
Crowd: Older crowd, but dressed up nicely, so as to keep up with appearances. Mostly late 20s, 30s, and some 40s and 50s were spotted here. A lot of good lookers. Entirely Caucasian.
Entertainment: No extra things to keep the vibe going. It held up on its own for a bar.
Atmosphere: Music is loud, the venue seems new and the vibe amongst the dancing patrons is pretty good. People are dancing and drinking away. In terms of dance space, it is a little cramped, but not sardine packed. It’s enough to survive an hour here, but I would not imagine an entire night here.
Video: Walkthrough Video

Click here to view the embedded video.

There is only one other club I have ever been to that didn’t even allow cameras past security inside, and that was The Capitol in New Delhi, India. When I was there it was regarded probably the most elite and difficult nightclub to get into in India – Fair enough I played by their rules, BUT TONIGHT WE ARE IN BLOODY WOLLONGONG, NOT THE MOST ELITE NIGHTCLUB IN INDIA!

What are they so scared of? Did the 50 year old patrons complain that the flash photography affects their vision? This is not a nursing home. Does the flash expedite the degradation of the walls around me? This ain’t The Louvre. Am I infringing copyright? This is not a cinema! IT’S A NIGHTCLUB WITH LOUD MUSIC AND PEOPLE DANCING AND DRINKING!!! Why oh why?? I really really wonder sometimes.

Drunken Cronulla Man keeps us for a few more minutes
Drunken Man from Cronulla comes up and tells us how good we were before at dancing. He is as red as a tomato with a beer in his hand. Then orders us to dance! Fine, we accept the order and dance for a bit, he is a top bloke, but we are still upset at the stupid management camera rule, and we leave Drunken Cronulla Man alone. He was sad when we left.

Arrivederci
Very unhappy that I am unable to take happy snaps and the lack of young people to talk to, we leave The Ivory anyway for our next venue, The Glasshouse, across the road. (They allowed photography)

Recommendation

Ivory Bar: 4/10. No camera policy turns me off real bad. Crowd is somewhat hostile at times too. Music is good though. Crowd too old for me, even though I’m 25. However this is a good place for just cocktails.

In front of a brave Karaokeist @ The Harp of Erin, Wollongong

We have decided to spend a day in Wollongong to see the wildlife at night. We have been recommended by the locals to check out The Harp for pre-drinks, so here we go!

Saturdays @ The Harp of Erin Hotel, Wollongong NSW
Assessment Time: 22:15PM -23:30PM
Opening Hours: Unknown, but it is a bar, so typical bar hours, which would be 10am – 3am.
Website: http://www.harpoferin.com.au
Address: 124 Corrimal St, Wollongong NSW
Dress Code / Door Policy: Anything goes. it is a bar, so most casual clothes can get away with it. Hats are not allowed in here.
Entry Fee / Cover Charge: Free entry for both the bar karaoke area as well as the dancefloor area.
Inside: Walking into the main entrance you are presented with the main room where there is a karaoke thing going on. Get up and sing! they say. The standing area holds 150 or so people, and there is a stage on the right, where you stand up to sing, or where a band can play. Bar is to the left. A wall divides this area from the second area – The second area has a central bar, surrounded by tables and stools. On one side is an enclosed area which is the dancefloor, and it is sligly elevated from the rest of the room. It holds about 60 or so people .
Cloak Room: None
Bar: Standard beer prices
Music: House music in the dance room. Typical bar karaoke music in the karaoke room. The types of music you will be subjected to range from rock to retro.
Crowd: Mostly locals, some sydneysiders – with most being caucasian.
Entertainment: Karaoke of course! But only in the karaoke room.
Atmosphere: Karaoke room – busy the whole time we were there. In the clubbing room, the general atmosphere in the bar was busy, but not packed. A good balance to allow us a bit of room to dance.
Video:360 view of the Karaoke Bar Side

Click here to view the embedded video.

Click here to view the embedded video.

To top it off, he even bought us drinks, though I didn’t really want to drink. I had to accept his gracious offer. Too friendly they are here.

With the friendly local giant

Taking over the floor quite quickly
We move to the other side ot the Harp, where the dancefloor is. The crowd on the floor are young white people – people who, are safe to assume, cannot dance. We stepped up and pretty much took over in a matter of moments. Taking over meaning a small area is reserved for us to dance and we have some people staring at us dance. Cheers from the crowd, we dance but we have other clubs to visit, so we have to leave.

Karaoke!
I must confess I have never done bar karaoke in front of a crowd. Well, we were in Wollongong – its just us boys, so who is going to care, right? I submitted a song of choice – “Pretty Fly (for a white guy)” by The Offspring. Well, after a good one hour, our song has not been put up yet, and we have to go. Booo! Maybe next time.

Arrivederci
Left because we had other clubs to hit, and this was just a bar for predrinks. Next destination is The Ivory.

Recommendation
If you are just here for the dancing floor component, it is not the best out there, but it isn’t crap. However it is surprisingly busy for a venue at this time before 11pm, so The Harp gets a 8.0 for the Karaoke side (purely in terms of atmosphere and not dancing – nobody was dancing here but everybody was singing), and a 5.5/10 for the Dancefloor side – if only the dancefloor area was bigger. It’s free entry so there isn’t harm in coming here first for pre-drinks

With a bartender. It's easter long weekend!

Spending tonight at Surfers Paradise, and tonight the venue is The Bedroom! So here we go!

Saturdays @ The Bedroom

Assessment Time: 10.30pm – 3:00am
Opening Hours: 10:00pm – 5:00am
Lockout: 3:00am lockout for clubs up in the Gold Coast
Website: http://www.thebedroom.net.au
Address: 26 Orchid Avenue, Surfers Paradise Gold Coast Queensland, Australia
Dress Code / Door Policy: Casual was ok. Jeans at a minimum. A female friend of mine was able to get in wearing thongs / flip flops / Havianas / whatever you want to call them / sandals.
Entry Fee / Cover Charge: $15
Guestlist: Do submit via the website. Events are on everyday I think.
Inside: On entering, there is a lounge and bar to the right. Stools and area for about 50 people. In front and to the left is the second bar, DJ and dancefloor to hold about 200 – 300 people. Carpeted areas around as well to hold more people. Podiums spotted around and beds. Along two walls are VIP ‘beds’ of single and double/queen size variety. These need to be booked in advance via the website. Late in the night the beds are open for all when everyone leaves.
Cloak Room: None
Bar: No recollection of prices
DJs: TyDi was the special guest DJ for tonight for an hour. At the moment he is Australia’s #1 DJ.
Music: House
Crowd: Caucasian – mix of locals and tourists. Handful of asians and other nationatlities.
Entertainment: Waitresses dressed in bunny ears for Easter and on top of this, corsets and super short skirts / and or lingerie. Enough said, and TyDi was coming tonight!
Atmosphere: Cockfest at first then around 11-11.30 it seriously picked up and got packed. Good ratio afterwards.

DJ booth at The Bedroom Nightclub Gold Coast

Videos:
Walkthrough around 10:30pm. It’s dead at the moment but it does pick up later.

Click here to view the embedded video.

360 view

Click here to view the embedded video.

Timeline:

Podium victory
I have managed to find myself standing on one of the front podiums. Here at The Bedroom, everyone is up for a party, and so everybody wants a go at the podium. So right now, I am standing with 3 other people on a small podium. I didn’t like this sharing of space, so in order to get rid of the two girls, I spoke to them. I was being pretty sleazy and they soon left the podium. There was now one guy left. I pushed him to the girl at the front and they shortly started making out and left the podium. Blah, I really am a matchmaker. Well, it’s just me now, so I do my little dancing around.

Someone tries to steal my podium!
A group of indian dudes are lurking at the podium and send one of their own to dance with me. Then he slowly tries to push me off with his ass! His ass is pushing me closer and closer to the edge, and when I realised what was happening, I wasn’t too happy. I went up to the front of the podium, and just danced just a little better than he did – arms and legs flying around. That’ll show him. So much so that the poor dude had no way to get in front of me at all. HA! So he left and nobody else dared tried to take my precious podium. I got bored of being awesome, and so I left the podiumt..

Is she a mum or something more?
Let’s play a game. Dance with as many randoms as possible. The first few were total fails. Then suddenly I spotted a 30 something year old dancing on her own. We dance and pretty soon locking lips. I think it’s time for introductions:

J: Im James
Mum: I’m Mum. How old are you?
J: 26
Mum: Oh, I’ve dated a 28 year old
J: Oh really ??
Mum: Yes! Actually, I have four kids. My eldest son is 26…. and he has a child too!

OMGWTFBBQ. I am hooking up with a grandma!!! JESUS CHRIST!!!

J: Oh wow. How old are you?
GrandMum: I’m 52 years old

HOLY SMOKES BATMAN!! DOUBLE MY AGE!! My own mum is 56!!! Right now I’m speechless.. Have I committed a moral crime?  Certainly this couldn’t get any better or worse??

J: What are you doing in a club?
GrandMum: Just dancing. I’m recovering from cancer – my hair is just a wig.

Great… she is telling me her entire life story now. At this point in time, I have pretty much lost all shame, and keep up with the courtship. I SWEAR SHE LOOKED AT MAXIMUM 36 YEARS OLD. Certainly got me fooled, as other guys were trying to hit on her all night as we danced. Amazing. I wonder if I will be still clubbing at 52. I would definitely need a wig of some sort at that age to fit in more. Or when I’m 52 I could just check out all the RSL’s and hook up with random nonagenerians and centenarians. I seem to be well on my way.

The TyDi set
I was busy macking on my girl but from what I could remember, it was pretty awesome set – nothing to complain about and whole crowd just kept going and going.

Arrivederci
We left at 3am, TyDi had already finished his set, and the crowd was getting more and more sausage like.

Recommendation
Music was excellent. My asian friends didn’t like it. So only come of course if you’re into house/electro whatever you want to call it. Crowd was generally pretty friendly as well. Combined with a pretty good venue for clubbing and TyDi, The Bedroom is 8.5/10

.

Sin City Nightclub Gold Coast

It was panic after booking the plane tickets – Clubs in Sydney were closed on Good Friday. But what relief to find out the clubs in Surfers Paradise all opened after midnight – score! So off we went to Sin City nightclub – here we go!

Easter Good Friday @ Sin City Nightclub
Assessment Time: 12:30-3:00am
Opening Hours: 12:00am-5:00am (Special opening times due to Good Friday)
Lockout: 3:00am
Website: http://www.sincitynightclub.com.au
Address: 22 Orchid Ave, Surfers Paradise Gold Coast, Queensland Australia
Dress Code / Door Policy: Casual ok.
Entry Fee / Cover Charge: $15 standard. $10 or possibly cheaper on guestlsit
Guestlist: See website. They have events everyday to which you can submit guestlists to.
Inside: Walk in with a bar on the left with podiums for girls and tables. On the right is the main dancefloor and DJ area. Dancefloor holds about 100-150 people. Elevated platforms around the columns. Balcony like area, and second bar as well on the far end. VIP lounges in the back corner. Everything is carpeted except for the dancefloor.
Cloak Room: None offered.
Bar: 12 Tequila sunrises and 12 Chatreuse shots for a total of $243
Music: A mix of modern rnb and commercial house. There is also some top 40 music.
Crowd: Being surfers paradise, mostly backpackers or people holidaying this weekend up in the Gold Coast. Most are of caucasian background.
Entertainment: All the waitresses are dressed in corsets and really short skirts / lingerie. Enough said. There are also permanent podiums for dancing on.
Atmosphere: Considering it was Good Friday, did not expect a big turnout, but since it *was* Surfers Paradise – there were a billion backpackers looking for a place to party!
Video: 360 of Sin City

Click here to view the embedded video.

Timeline:
No Photos of the waitresses
I was so excited that the waitresses were wearing lingerie so I took a photo of a waitress and she SNAPPED at me. “No photos, you have to ask” she yells at me. Fair enough. I deleted the photo and asked for a photo. “NO” she says curtly. How did I not expect that answer. So anyway, always ask before doing

My hat is popular with backpackers
I am dancing with my friends, and not even 1 minute on the dancefloor, two girls have already asked to take a photo with me. Seriously, why? I am just wearing a hat. Well I seem to be the only one wearing one in here, but I found it strange they wanted a photo with me. It might be their pick up line, but they didn’t want to talk to me after the photo. Really really strange.

Later throughout, random people just pluck the hat and put it on and dance with it. It’s for me to give out to others, not for you to pluck! Way too many men chose my hat for my liking that night.

Fight!
We are hanging out in the dancefloor and suddenly a fight broke out, right next to us! Usually in a fight you step back 5 or 6 steps. This one turned from a fight of 2 or 3 people to a 5-8 peron brawl, requiring as many steps back as possible. It was going off for a good 20 seconds before security jumped in to save the day. It was one of the most vicious brawls I’ve seen in a nightclub, probably because we were right next to it. A minute later, everyone is happily dancing again.

Sexism

Ladies only on the podium - SEXIST!!

This sign says it all – total sexism!! Well, I got up anyway, for a photo.

Take THAT you sexist nightclub!!

Arrivederci
We left due to too much drinking.

Recommendation
Atmosphere of this place is very good, and the crowd is pretty friendly. Good music for everyone here also adds to the atmosphere. Cheap entry too.

Sin City Fridays – 8.0/10

Table reserved for James! Shanghai Nights @ Brooklyn Hotel

A friend has a birthday and has decided to hold it at Brooklyn Hotel for the Shanghai Nights event. . I don’t want to go, as last time was mediocre for me, but I must keep up appearances, plus it will give this place another chance for a review, so here we go!

First as you enter, and the inside room is dead. Walked out and all the languishers who entered Brooklyn before 9pm were still here, drinking and eating. About 20 or so people, including a group of friends. Small world!

I pretend to be “James”

Podium dancing

It’s squishy to dance on the floor, and so I hopped up for a bit of a short dance. I had to ask permission from the podium dancers before I got up. I did my thing, but I probably looked like a fool After 2 songs the podium dancer kicks me off and does her thing with the head spinning and fancy dancy stuff.

Arrivederci

Recommendation

Saturday – The dancefloor was busy the whole time we were there. The surrounding areas of stools and lounges weren’t so busy.

Puls8 (Friday) @ Shark Bar - Peak Time.. pretty not busy.

Walkthrough Video on a Friday – Very dead

Click here to view the embedded video.

Previous incarnations of clubbing nights at Shark Hotel bring back memories of a dark room at the back, full of people dancing, and ALWAYS ending up in a fight, complete with chairs and tables being flung in a multitude of directions. Will tonight be the same? Keep reading to find out…

Friday’s Timeline
Dancing with the crowd
Firstly, as we arrived, there was only one guy up there dancing on his own. A sole warrior. A European version of me. Marty and I jump up for a dance. There are now 3 losers up on the dancefloor at 11pm. Later some other people who were gutsy enough come up .. and it was alright with the 6 of us now. It didn’t really get much more than that.

No people = No shoes
It’s so dead that there’s 3 of us. The 3rd person, a girl, has taken off her shoes to dance, and no security has come up to tell her off. It’s pretty relaxed in here.

She left her shoes on the podium to go barefoot. Shoes did not get stolen nor was she told off.

Mistaken Identity
Me and Marty are out tonight, and we’re wearing similar vests. Marty is wearing his hat and he steps off the floor and it’s just me. A girl who was dancing with Marty turns around and asks me “wheres your hat?”. oh.. my.. god… did she think I was Marty, the guy she was just dancing 5 minutes with?? She wasn’t kidding, and she really thought I was Marty. Oh my god.. WE DO LOOK THE SAME!!

We totally look the same

Saturday’s Timeline
Reviving a dancefloor
On Arrival, there are two guys dancing up on the dancefloor. Once again, Marty and me jump up and join in… nobody joins us and it takes Beyonce’s “single ladies” to get about 8 women up on the dancefloor, which is a great result for Shark Hotel.

Photographer loves us
Early on, the photographer takes photos of us and loves us so much he gives us a free drink each. Oh, score! It was Yager Beer time!

Photographer loves me! Last known photo of my hat.

Jagermeister promotions

There’s a Jagermeister stand, giving out merchandise per Jager shot taken. Keyrings, shirts and bandanas were up on offer. I got a bandana and keyring bottle opener

Jagermeister stand - shot of jager for a free item!

Hat gone
I’ve lent my hat to a girl Marty was dancing with, and then she left. My awesome hat is gone. NO. Marty I want you to get my hat back!

Having to fend off sleazy men
I’m with a friend, and she’s heavily tipsy. You leave her alone for one minute and some guy is grinding with her. So really I have to run around and fend off anyone. I think at one point, we were in conversation and a guy comes up and asks me if he could talk to her for ‘just a sec’. Like hell no, shine your dick away from me! Barf. He didn’t even offer me a bribe or anything.Another guy comes up to us in the bar and grabs her crotch. Barf again. My cousin is hit on heaps as well, but she was able to take care of herself, despite her calling out for me for help. LOL. Note – all these sleazes were euro dudes.

Arrivederci
(Friday) Pretty much after 1pm the whole place had died and we left for Star Bar
(Saturday) Left at 3am, there were still some people dancing.

Recommendation
I would avoid coming here on a Friday night. However Saturday nights here are much better, theres more people and the dancefloor is busy enough to have your own private dance without being stared at. If you want a clean place with cheap drinks, and a quick dance, check this out. But only come with friends. You may not enjoy it here on your own. In comparison to the old clubbing nights a year or so ago – the DJ is better and the place is no longer full of drunkards – no longer you should be worried about getting smacked by a wooden chair or glassed in the eye thanks to plastic cups- one can also have a chat and play some pool as well.

Puls8 (Friday Night) @ Shark Hotel – 2.5/10
Puls8 (Saturday Night) @ Shark Hotel – 6.5/10

I Love Uni White Party - Home Nightclub

I’ve been asked to check this University event out. A combined effort of all the universities, targeted for students who had just had their first O-Week. Well, considering my own O-week was about 8 years ago, I was wondering whether I should go. Then.. on the promo poster were the magic words: “WHITE PARTY”. Can anybody say GANDALF DA WHITE IS BACK??!! Got my dancing partner C to come along and so off we set our dancing merry feet – here we go!

I Love Uni White Party @ Home Nightclub

Assessment Time: 11:00pm – 3:00am
Opening Hours: 9:30pm – late (4-5am?)
Website: http://www.homesydney.com.au
Address:  Cockle bay wharf, Darling Harbour, Sydney
Dress Code / Door Policy: White attire only. However people who were not wearing white were still allowed in, despite warnings that people were not going to be allowed in.
Entry Fee / Cover Charge: $15 presold tickets (sold out). $25 at the door. The girl at the counter liked my outfit and I asked for a discount for having such an ‘awesome’ outfit.  She lowered my entry fee to $20. Score!
Guestlist: none
Inside: The White Party event was for the main arena room to hold 500 or so people. All the other rooms were closed. Later after midnight, the other trance / house / rock band rooms were opened up for the general public.
Cloak Room: Did not utilise cloak room today.
Bar: Didn’t drink tonight
DJ: Unknown.
Music: RnB initially in the main room. After around midnight, a change of DJ’s and an opening of doors to the public for sublime ensure the RnB was killed, and house and trance/ house took over for the rest of the night. It was strange because at one point in the night, a singer came out and sang some house songs, it was so bloody bizarre – how could people dance to this?? The small room upstairs was also used for a local rock band gig. I have never seen it done like this – what has happened to Sublime?? I was disappointed in one’s choice of music selection to dance to after the rnb stopped.
Crowd: Lots of asians for the rnb component, with a sprinkle of other nationalities. Almost all are uni students. Of course, as rnb is killed, the rnb lovers left and the ratio became a mixed bag of everything – Whites, Asians, Indians.
Entertainment: MC and professional male dance crews. Wow, they actually *do* hire men to dance. They were more house dancers but were pretty good at what they did.
Atmosphere: Main room was always happening. The other rooms later in the night were only so so. The sublime room was the only other somewhat happening room for the trance lovers.

Video: – 360 view at around 2am,
Taken by C – you can see me for 2 seconds dancing with a random dude

Click here to view the embedded video.

Keep reading on for Gandalf’s adventures!

Timeline

Gandalf is back
It’s been 10 weeks since I took over Sensation White Melbourne.. and now it was time to take over Australia’s largest club. (yeah, it really is the largest one). As I line up, people in line are pretty much staring at my awesome outfit. People left right centre are taking photos of me and with me, and I still haven’t stepped into the club yet! I think the outfit is alright. I still like my pirate one better.

No usyd represent?!
This was a joint university thing. There were placards everywhere with “I <3 UNSW”, “I <3 UTS”, and “I <3 MACQ” .. but where was “I <3 USYD”??? Nowhere, my friend. I couldn’t find any placards. What a travesty!! Well, someone has to represent!

Photobooth is designed to steal your money.
Met some girls and we jumped into the photobooth for photos. It’s 8 dollars!! Jesus H. Christ what a rip off. So in goes 1 dollar, 2 dollars.. a few more.. until it says there is $1.50 left. Chuck in a dollar and it doesn’t accept it. Throw another $2 coin and it just swallows it. Oh my god.. what a crafty little machine this was… eating our money and yet not producing photos!! What a load of horseshit! Meanwhile, immature teenage boys keep peeking into the booth, praying that we are having an orgy of some sorts. Ha, one can only dream.

I have many many fans. Most of them guys.
A lot of guys come up and say things like ‘awesome outfit’, ‘can I have a photo?’, ‘JESUS!’, or anything along those lines. I like them, I take photos and usually we part. But shit, this one particular guy followed me around half the night! After we had our photo I dug into the main room and beelined to the middle. I turn around he is right behind me, following me! Fair enough, so I stop, but he stops as well. He wants to hang out and dance with Gandalf. My golly gosh. Biggest grin on his face everytime I looked back at him. He’s a fan of me, big deal. I had a suspicion he could have been gay, but I will never know.

He stalked me around the place

Getting up on main stage.
People are jumping up on stage and a random girl I met has jumped up for dance. Other people who are trying to get up are promptly taken down by security. I decide to give it a try, since I have the best outfit tonight and all. I crawl up onto the stage and stand up in front of the crowd. Everyone cheers, but within 2 seconds the security detail tell me to get off. So so unfair. Meanwhile the random girl is left ALONE up on stage to dance. She isn’t even dancing. I would call it swaying her body left and right, with the occasional booty bump to add flavour. She was obviously loving this attention. Godamn some things in life are unfair. One day I will be allowed up on stage!!

More guys follow me to take leftovers
Most places I went in the main room, guys are following me. I am noticing a trend. Girls come up to me and talk, and then these guys are swooping in left right and centre to be my wingman. I didn’t ask for this! Oh well, what are you going to do.

Girls don’t like hairy guys
I love this outfit. I walked by a few girls (and this only happens with girls) .. and you can see the look on their face as I walk by. Their entire face screws up into the ‘what the f*ck?’ look, or occaisionally a girl would turn around and see me coming – they literally YELP in shock / fright about this menacing wizard walking past. It’s quite entertaining for me. haha

Boob Squeeze War!
Yeah, a random girl squeezes my boobs without permission. I find that unfair, so I naturally grabbed and squeezed her boobs back without asking her. She REELED BACK in horror and gave me the DIRTIEST look ever. hahahahahahhahahaa..  how does it go – eye for an eye?

.. so take off all your robes
It was getting hot in here, so off went the cape and wigs. I felt like a free man. Meanwhile the wigs and cape sit near a group of 8 or so asians, who stare at me, C and her friend dance. They are literally gawking at us. I would probably have been doing the same thing back when I was 18/19, praying one day I could dance like that.

Getting pretty hot.. took off the beard

Anyway they seem bored and decide to do what any normal bored person does at a club – PUT ON SOMEONE ELSE’S OUTFIT. Second thing I know, there is a guy with my wig, beard and cape on. It’s funny, but I have to keep a close eye on it – I don’t want to get this stuff stolen. They seem friendly enough and we take some happy snaps. They can’t dance though, which was a shame.

He put on my white outfit without asking - it suits him though

Here’s an extra video of a raver at the Sublime room:

Click here to view the embedded video.

Arrivederci
C and friend want to leave at 2am, primarily of the bizarre music that was now playing, but Gandalf convinces them to stay another hour, and we leave 3am.

Recommendation

First half rnb was good. Everyone is in the party mood. However only the main room was open at this time for the rnb lovers. Still was a good atmosphere.

I Love Uni @ Home Nightclub (upto midnight) – 7.5/10

Second half is where the sublime / Oh My! crowd came in.. mixed feelings – all rooms were opened up and the choice of music you want to dance to was wide open, but the crowd just wasn’t there. There were not enough people to fill all rooms up. It was busy, but not like you would expect on an old ‘Famous’ Saturday night when it was truly at capacity. If the ‘I Love Uni’ was not on earlier – I am pretty sure the place would have been pretty dead. The trance room was a sad sight – I wish more people were into it – however the people inside were friendly and just danced away.

Oh My / Sublime @ Home Nightclub Sydney – 5/10

A female native american indian - Future Music Festival Sydney 2010

All week it was raining. Forecast was raining. We bought tickets months ago, but on the day.. HALLELUJAH! Big old sun was out and about, kicking clouds’ ass. I put on my American Indian outfit, got some pre-drinks at a friends place and off we went – here we go!

Future Music Festival @ Randwick Racecourse Sydney

Assessment Time: 4pm – 10pm
Website: http://www.futuremusicfestival.com.au
Address: Royal Randwick Race Course, Randwick, Sydney
Dress Code / Door Policy: Anything goes. Everybody wore sunnies. I wore an American Indian outfit.
Entry Fee / Cover Charge: $100 FR, $120 SR, $145 FR for GA Tickets
Inside: 7 or so massive dance areas. It’s a freaking racecourse. Well its not the course itself, but all the pavillions and surrounding grasslands.
Cloak Room: There was one but I was too lazy to walk to the other side of the course to put it in there
Bar: $10.50 for smirnoff ice cans. They’ve upped it from $10!! Dodgy. Both times we waited about 10-15 minutes for our drinks. Limit of 2 drinks per person.
DJs/Acts: Prodigy. Most epic set I have been to (I havent been to many). I was pretty much situated a good 200 or 300 metres so from the stage, and the whole area was still jumping up and down like a moshpit through all the songs. I missed every other main act, but they included David Guetta, Empire of the Sun, Sven Vath, Boys Noize, Dubfire, and Booka Shade from memory.
Music: House, Trance, Electronica
Crowd: Mixed bag of everything. Mostly caucasians if you wanted to classify.
Entertainment: Roller disco, Rides, free shots of drinks, and lots of other stuff we didn’t discover that day.
Weather: Sunny all day. Perfect.
Atmosphere: very good. The weather was great and provided for a good mood for everyone involved.

Future Music Festival Sydney Videos:

Me doing drunken cartwheels

Click here to view the embedded video.

Read on for more heaps more videos and the Timeline

Pod Room 360

Click here to view the embedded video.

The crowd outside
There are just people freaking everywhere you go.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Green Room 360

It’s a small room, i think sponsored by an energy drink. Anyway we were so freaking thirsty from the alcohol, we took whatever energy drink we could. Nice.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Starfuckers stage 360 + “I Gotta Feeling” Black Eyed Peas

Click here to view the embedded video.

Silent Disco Area (a bit redundant as the camera is outside listening range of any of the music)

Click here to view the embedded video.

Prodigy were the only act we managed to catch the whole day. The rest of the day was spent just walking around the whole place. Needless to say, the entire set had the crowd constantly jumping up and down, and even though we were about 200 metres back, where we were.. it still felt like we were pretty close to the stage. Pretty awesome. Whatever energy we had left was all spent after this. I tried to go closer to the stage, and cut off a girl. She got pretty angry at me, grabbed my headpiece and threw it to the ground.

Prodigy – “Breathe”

Click here to view the embedded video.

Prodigy – “Omen”

Click here to view the embedded video.

Prodigy – “Invaders Must Die”

Click here to view the embedded video.

Timeline
Hey! How are you? Hey! How are you?
The above title was my greeting for everyone I met today. Someone at the bus stop saw me and had blessed me with it. Love it. I’ve come dressed as Chief Breaking Wind, the dancing native American Indian.

Lining up
As with any festival, unless you’re in the VIP line, you’re thrown in with everyone else. At first glance the line appeared huge, but thanks to 6 entry gates where we were, the line up only took about 20 minutes. I must say though for bathrooms – Future Music Festival has some of the shortest lines for any festival. There were even some areas where there was no line at all. Amazing. They had portaloos everywhere you go. It’s amazing, and a job well done for Future Entertainment.

Losing friends
Initially it was 6 of us. After about 10 minutes, we got split and it was just me and my buddy Crabs left. Despite the constant SMS back and forth ‘where are you’, “i am here”, we never found each other for the rest of the day.

Apparently not the last Mohican
Honestly I thought I would be the only one dressed up as a native american, but what I forgot was the fact that Empire of the Sun were playing.. and if you don’t know, Empire of the Sun LOVE wearing their Indian American Headpieces. So, the fans were out in force:

Die Hard Fans of Empire of the Sun

Another American Indian Friend of Mine

Roller Disco with two randoms
In my drunken haze I grabbed a woman and danced with her. We became friends, and she had her guy friend as well. So it was us 4 (including Crabs), and we decided to go to the roller disco! It was awesome fun.

Everyone fell, except me:
I have never been on roller skates, but I used to rollerblade when I was a child… and I can hold my own with ice skates, so skating around on skates was ok for me. My friends though, STACKED IT HARD. Hilarious.

Here’s a poster we found on the ground:

This is how we roll!

Crabs loses his shoes
We returned to the shoe area. The way it works is that you leave your shoes under the chair and skate, then come back. Well, once we came back, Crabs shoes appeared to be missing. We could not find them – someone had stolen them!! So I urged my friend to steal someone elses shoes, which he did, and thus the chain of shoe thieving continued.. hahaha

Getting Married
My friend Crabs has a priest outfit. He married me and a girl in the Silent Disco room, but she refused to kiss. what kind of marriage is that? Later I married a guy in the same room, but I don’t remember this – it is only what Crabs has told me afterwards.

We got married by Crabs the priest

We also missed the entire David Guetta set cause were lost track of time, but apparently one of the speakers in the back had stopped working, so people standing at the back had a shitty time. Meanwhile, we were dancing it out hard in the Silent Disco room!

Dehydration
Drunk, Tired, and we had only been drinking alcohol. Bad recipie, cause i was so freaking parched. Once I got my hands on a tiger woods gatorade outside the venue I gulped that thing down so fast it wasnt funny. Neeless to say there was a water station somewhere, but the place is so big we didn’t walk by it.

Arrivederci
After the Prodigy set everyone was kicked out. The lines were too long for a bus, so we walked to The Entertainment quarter (Fox studios) where taxis were dropping off party goers for the Mardi Gras party at Hordern.

Recommendation
Pretty good. Nice weather, nice crowd, nice music.. everything nice. Wish the bar prices were cheaper.

Future Music Festival Sydney 2010 – 9.5/10

View of Brooklyn's main room from the front.

Never in the history of my RnB clubbing career for 4 short years have I been bombarded with promotional material for the Grand Opening of this night. Facebook, email, posters, more facebook, more email, more posters. You would expect them to do door knocking as well. The previous event at V-Bar had finally closed and the promoters, Urban Agent, have had success on their 40/40 Saturday Nights at Brooklyn – “why not do a Friday one as well?” They think. It’s an ambitious launch, to replicate the experience of a Shanghai nightclub with waitresses and limo service to the venue from a pick up spot at world square. A friend wants to check it out, so a guestlist was organised, and I was keen to see how Brooklyn has changed since the new promoters took over. So here we go!

Shanghai Nights @ Brooklyn Hotel Sydney

Assessment Time: 10:30 – 3:00am
Website: http://www.urbanagent.com.au
Address: Cnr George and Grovenor Street, Sydney
Dress Code / Door Policy: Dress code applies. Collared shirt for guys. However casual would have gotten away with it tonight.
Entry Fee / Cover Charge: $25 Guestlist: Well well well.. this is a special point. One can usually send in a guestlist and get a $5 discount or more. Tonight, as we enter the club, the flat fee was $25, and ALL GUESTLISTS WERE CANCELLED. What the fuck! It was only 10:30. Well, apparently they were allowed to do it, because there were so many fucking people outside. They could have charged $30 or $40 and people would still have probably paid up. Total fucking rort.
Inside: A main bar dance area to hold 100 or so people with DJ elevated a metre or so above the floor. Central circular bar. Second bar at the back to primarily serve the back outdoor courtyard. The courtyard holds 2 or 300 people. A second DJ resides here as well.
Cloak Room: I can’t remember, but it was a reasonable price – $4 or something for an item.
Bar: I did not drink tonight, but they had $3.50 for shot based drinks until midnight. Much more reasonable than $17 vodka red bulls the last time I was here.
DJ: Unknown Music: RnB inside the main room. Mixed as a professional does – choruses only to keep the crowd going with the occasional commercial house song thrown in.
Crowd: Mostly if not all asian. The occasional white person and indian clubber were also represented tonight.
Entertainment: MC for the main room at night. Promoters giving out lanyards the entire night like hotcakes, I suspect it was because the lanyards had the old V-Bar “Amber” event printed on them, rendering these lanyards throwaway material. By the end of the night everybody including myself had two of these things. Head promoter is throwing out free T-shirts out to the crowd. Nice. There is also a free shuttle service from world square to Brooklyn, if you book ahead, but why World Square? My suspicion is partly to show all the people lining up ouside of Flow: “Hey, you guys going to Flow, do you get a stretch hummer? nope. we rule and you drool”. That is my conspiracy theory. (Promoters have since dropped the Stretch Hummer promotion). Later around midnight, a dancing chinese dragon came in, which had blinking lights and everything. That was pretty impressive, even though Chinese New Year was last month. Also being the grand opening night, confetti is sprayed everywhere amongst the crowd. It’s hard to not like and hate this place at the same time. To top it off, there’s also a BBQ out in the back. They’ve gone all out here.
Atmosphere: Packed like sardines inside, smokey in the back outside area. Inside the vibe was good, but still too packed for my liking. Keep reading for more details on my thoughts on this whole setup

Nom Nom BBQ

Review & Timeline
Superlong line but we get in.
As with massively promoted nights with a zillion birthdays being held, you should expect really long lines. Tonight was no exception, with the separate guestlist and normal line stretching out for ages. It was only 10:30 and we knew the general line, at least, was a 80 minute or so wait. This kind of waiting really turns people off. LUCKILY, a friend knows the promoter, and within about 5 minutes the entire group is let inside. Woot! But seriously, for the uninitated clubber, they do think being on the guestlist means getting express entry and not waiting outside for 30 minutes to get in. Well, that’s what I used to think. Where is the justice?

At around 1am, I look out and people are still lining up to get inside. They have no chance – the place is packed, and I feel a tinge of sadness for them, as I once was in their position. Then I laugh to myself and keep dancing.

The poor souls outside have a look inside to see how much fun we are having.

Overpromising on the “4 massive arenas”
Such is the description given for each of brooklyn’s areas in the promotional poster. Jesus I nearly choked reading the flyer. Brooklyn really only has 2 dance areas, a small table area and a even smaller bar second bar area. These are the 4 arenas?? To describe these as 4 massive arenas can give the unsuspecting clubber the impression .. of 4 massive arenas to dance in. How many first timers to Brooklyn would have been disappointed with the setup, if they managed to get into the club? If any place should be close to “arena like” it would be Home or Tank Nightclubs, not Brooklyn.

The outdoor area is a disappointment
Alas, the largest area of Brooklyn is the outdoor area, and that was pretty crap. It was just a smokers paradise there, and the DJ assigned here had the unfortunate destiny to have his speakers set to 1 out of 10. I could have placed my mobile phone on loudspeaker and it wouldve gotten more people dancing. The volume was seriously that low. At least people could talk out here, but I did not go to the outdoor area to talk. I WANTED DANCE!

I miss the old dead Brooklyn.
The place now is packed, which is good to see, but at what cost? Regulars driven out, and cover charge smacked on. No doubt the night was declared a success by the promoters, with photos to prove – it was a success for the promoters but what about the punter? I have been massively disappointed with tonight in terms of the atmosphere, which I believe is a big part of the whole clubbing experience.

Table service
In the real city of Shanghai, small groups can get a private booth and be served by a dedicated waitress/hostess the entire night to bring drinks, games etc. Tonight was an attempt to replicate this, and it has unfortunately failed muchly. By about midnight everybody is standing up, and the bar is right next to the tables. The waitresses are redundant, and speaking of them, I only saw a handful of them tonight. It was advertised as 50 (now its 30) of the waitresses hanging out and about, so where were they? Did I seriously miss them?

I found a VIP Waitress!

Bowtie!
Lately I’ve been donning a bowtie, its awesome. I saw another guy and took a photo, but he wasn’t as enthusiastic seeing another guy with a bow tie. Maybe if I was a chick he would have been more happy in this photo:

Dude doesn't look happy to be with me wearing a bowtie

Arrivederci
Friends ditched me and so I eventually left.

Recommendation
Utterly disappointed. It’s not worth it. I hope the promoters will readjust what they promise in this night as well as acknowledge the existence of guestlists. With reports of 2000 to 4000 people in attendance the following week, they can surely use the excess money to improve the place somehow.

Shanghai Nights @ Brooklyn Hotel – 4/10

Tao Nightclub Sydney - Grand opening night : 2:30am / Bar Area

Just left a house party and I still want my dancing fix. Melly is at the Grand Opening of a new nightclub where the old Mandarin Club once stood. So here we go!

Satisfaction Saturdays @ Tao Nightclub

Assessment Time: 2:30am – 4:00am
Website: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=288588253950
Address: 396 Pitt St, CNR Goulburn St (Old Mandarin Club)
Dress Code / Door Policy: Advertised as “dress to impress”, but seemingly more relaxed about it at the door. Every guy inside though had a collared shirt, and the girls were all in dresses.
Entry Fee / Cover Charge: Free for ladies before 11, $10 on birthday guestlist before midnight. $20 for all others.
Guestlist:  See facebook page for details
Inside: Beneath the now Mr B’s Hotel, Tao Bar/Nightclub is a small area split into even smaller areas – A carpeted area where most dancing occurs. It holds 50-80 people. There are two lounge areas on either side of the dancefloor. A DJ is along the wall. The wooden floor area is the general ‘lets stand around and chat each other up’ area with bar and some tables and stools. This particular area has a green and red spotted light thing dotting the area. It’s trippy.
Cloak Room: $5 per item.
Bar: $19 for 2 carlton draughts and a pure blonde. $16 jugs of beer before midnight
DJs: Xcentrik, R*One, Normz, Edo, Day-Day
Music: RnB most of the night, with the occasional commercial house song thrown in. If you have never been to an RnB asian club.. usually the RNB songs each get about 30 to 60 seconds of airplay before being mixed to another song, so its an anthology of choruses.. its sad if you want to hear the whole song, but with this format, it keeps the crowd going.. and going.
Crowd: Asian, the clean classy types. Not many teeny boppers. If there were any, they were cleverly disguised.
Entertainment: No extra entertainment besdies the MC. There was air conditioning though
Atmosphere: Small atmosphere, but a classy crowd with a “clean” venue keeps it viable to stay inside. By clean, I mean they have air conditioning in the standing area. However on the dancefloor there isn’t much air con and it may get a little stuffy.. but only a little as its not too packed when we got inside.

Timeline

My clothes are so awesome, even guys want them
I bump into a friend, who is absolutely off his chops. First item on the agenda is the discussion of clothes. He wishes to swap shirts with me! No way, not if I had a buttoned shirt on. It would take too long! So of course, the easier solution was to switch to another item of clothing. He demands to swap his pants with mine! He proceeds by undoing his belt.. and undoing his fly… -____- oh no no no no no no no onononnonononononnoononononoo, this is not what I came to a club for! Had to stop him, but I’m sure if I were influenced enough I wouldve probably gone ahead with a swap.

I found the token white girl in the club.. well she found me
Imagine walking into a club full of asians. You are a blonde nordic girl. What do you do. Do what you do in every other club – let the guys chat you up and score some drinks. But then, suddenly, out of the corner of your eye, you see ME. you shiver in fear of my awesomeness. You succumb and can only do one thing and that is dance with me.

So the girl has stepped up to me and robs me of my hat without warning and dances around with it. This only meant one thing. Dance mode ON! We dance near the bar area, and we are basically surrounded by entire vicinity of men checking her out and probably thinking ‘Who is this really cool dude?’ Well my fellow men, I’m James Tran, and I am right now uncomfortable having you guys stare at me dance.

A collision of maximus proportions
Swedish girl is walking backwards, ass bent out, towards me, ready for grinding. Suddenly Melly sees me dancing and jumps in to say hello again to me. The guys watching me have a look that they are amazed I know the two most beautiful girls in the club. Melly is now standing between myself and the ass of the swede girl. It’s over before I could warn her. They collide, and the Swede’s heel has stomped on Melly’s toes. Melly is in some sort of pain but, as we all know, being stomped on by a heel only hurts for a few seconds. I tell Melly sorry and continue to grind with the Swede. Some friend I am. Hahahha.

Anyway, we keep dancing, and it comes to the point where myself and Swedie are eye to eye, ready for the kiss. Slowly we get closer, and closer. Then, finally, HER GIRLFRIEND CAME ALONG AND TAKES HER AWAY. MY GOD!! Nooooooooooo! THIS IS SO NOT HAPPENING !!! FML!! ngahhhhh But, alas, reality hit – she was gone. The love of my night taken away. To rub salt into my emotional wound, the count of women in the club has dropped by 20% when they left. The men who were staring at us, are now staring at me. I wonder what they are thinking now. I feel like a neutered dog. Please, my dear humane reader, put me to sleep now.

Melly from Melbourne @ Tao Nightclub Sydney

My top hat
I bought a top hat yesterday, and tonight it worked wonders. Women love it. I recommend it. Though, it does get stolen often… even photographed a thief in action!

Tao Nightclub Sydney - Just before a random steals my hat. Look at her hands! Why are people so unkind?

Arrivederci

Besides the Swede setback, we enjoyed dancing for the rest of the night. At departure time 4am, the place had about 20 guys and 2 girls left.

Recommendation
For a grand opening it was pretty good. Clean place, and reasonable entry price. Upstairs was also a kitchen if you were hungry. It’s a good all round venue for the asian rnb connoiseur. Music was good and crowd to match. Not too packed, but I was here at 2.30am, will have to see what it is like earlier in the night next time.

Satisfaction Saturdays @ Tao Nightclub (Mr B’s Hotel) – 8/10