Entertainment: Cowgirls dancing on tables and a wet t-shirt contest – Thumbs up.

Nightclub Level @ The Gaff Sydney - Full of backpackers. Yes, it's a Tuesday night!

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Timeline
You could dance, anywhere
Anywhere except on top of the bar. That was reserved for the dancers. There were people dancing on their tables and chairs, and security had no issue with it. I suppose this relaxed way to go about things made people come back. I met some people who were regulars here, because they loved it.

‘Coyote’ cowboy night:
Cheap cowboy shots, bartenders in their cowboy and cowgirl outfits – it was a pretty good atmosphere. The dancers even dressed in leopard print bikinis and cowgirl pants for their dance. People on the dance floor were mesmerised by these girls dancing away.

Don’t use this pickup line I made up:
I was literally bored of these cowgirls dancing and not showing any more skin. So I thought of an ingenious pick up line to try:
James: “If I get bored of watching cowgirls in their bikinis dance on the podium, does that make me gay?”
2 Girls: “um…. ok” (they look away)
BARRED! Well, that worked well.

Wet T-shirt contest
Further to glamourize the way women should be, the men were asked to leave the dance floor. The remaining girls were then asked to participate in a wet t-shirt contest for a $200 prize! Woot! I’m starting to really like this place.

Coda

Xav wanted to leave for another venue. Pussy. Why? It was so good here. Anyway if you ever find yourself with nothing to do on a Tuesday night – The Gaff is a high recommendation!

Me, Storm with some backpacker friends

Venue 2: Scruffy Murphys
We lasted 10 minutes here before leaving. Xav wasn’t feeling it here either. The music was loud and the venue was pretty busy here as well, with the band upstairs and the DJ downstairs at the vault. Probably the second busiest place in Sydney after the Gaff.

Venue 3: 3 Wise Monkeys
Asessment time: 12:45-1:30am
Music: Mix – Top 40, rnb, and even a reggae song.
Crowd: Mixed nationalities.
Atmosphere: Dead. About 5 people on the dancefloor as we got in, and about 20 people onlooking. A very stark contrast to Scruffy’s and The Gaff.
Cover Charge / Entry Fee: None
Dress Code: Casual OK

Timeline
Bouncer toys with us asians:
So we got in but he asks us to stand around. He asks management on his earpiece ‘Are these the 3 shooters that were here earlier?’ Like wtf! He seemed half serious but it was probably a joke. I laughed, and Xav and Storm had no idea what he was talking about. By this time, Xav had gone deaf from the loud music from the previous venues, and I had to repeat the joke twice.

Operation: Take over dancefloor
We got upstairs to the dance area. So dead its not funny. That is until James came along.

1. Say hello to everyone
There were two couples dancing and an Indian guy. I jumped right into the dance floor with a bit of a boogie. People see me. I like it. I run and hi-5 Indian guy. He seems really happy to see me. I hi 5 the asian couple. She gives me the sloppiest hi-5, its like a floppy-stroke-5. I run to the other couple. Hi give guy and the girl.

2. Dance with the hottest girl
She ditches the guy and does a bum dance with me – for quite some time. I look over and he’s off the dance floor. So they weren’t a couple after all, and I had cut his grass within the space of a minute, simply because I can do a superior bum dance. I look around and there’s a group of about 6 guys staring at her and me. I think they are her friends. Oh I feel bad now, so I dragged Xav up to the bathroom and left the girl to go back to her friends.

Back down, the girl is still dancing with her friend. She gravitates towards us. She likes me, and I really think about taking her somewhere else, but GOD why did this floor have to be so dead – there is nowhere to hide with this girl! So I just play dumb innocent dancer. Eventually her man-friends take her away and out of the club, since they were so bored.

3. Claim Kingship
By this time I am King of the dance floor. Population 4.

Being stared at:
The asian couple were here with 3 other girls. Storm thinks they’re of Hmong descent. I have no idea what nationality they are but they look Asian. They have been staring at me dancing the whole time since I entered. Being a King of the dance floor is not easy. There was another group of asians were staring at me as well as some African dudes, but I didn’t get a chance to talk to them.  The Hmong girls are still staring at me, just begging me to approach them…

Converting starers into dancers
Storm and I managed to get all of the girls out dancing to the floor. The crazy indian guy then joins us. He is just a random guy hitting on one of the girls. She doesn’t fend him off, and she doesn’t like him but her friends don’t save her, and her friends basically let her get mentally raped by this guy. He’s even gone for a kiss but she waved him off, while she still sitting there. Even she isn’t standing up for herself. So me and Storm had to save her. Storm went up to her and simply dragged her away. She complied quite easily, and we kept dancing.

Coda
The girls at this time were finally warming up, but Xav and Storm, and I were tired, so we left. I scored the phone number of the guy. Great move James, great move. 3 Wise Monkeys is not recommended for Tuesday night unless you like desolate dancefloors, and you want to be a King.

Me, Hmongs and Storm. 4th girl not in this photo was being harassed by creepy Indian guy at this point in time