11 Quick Club reviews as seen from outside the club aka Window Shopping – 19th December 2009. (Northern Sydney CBD)

Saturdays @ Star Bar on George St
- Packed. However we had overdosed lately on Star Bar and its amusing crowd of non-english speaking tourists. It was a no go tonight, no matter how tempting it was to go inside there.

PS. I no longer write reviews when I visit star bar, as I visit this place too much.

Saturdays @ Arthouse on Pitt St (1am)
- Tonight was not an ‘Asian’ night (Fame), but it was a white-crowd event. House music was playing outside, and there was no line outside – it looked pretty shit inside from the outside. There was a cover charge.

Saturdays @ The Vault on Pitt St
- We walked by this bar and heard RNB music playing! Whoa, we have to try it out. We walk up to the entrance and there is a smallish dance floor with about 15 people dancing on it – it was almost dead, but better than Pavillion. However the bouncer refused us entry on the excuse of ‘a private function’. We were 4 guys so it was understandable, but the private function excuse didn’t seem congruent, as there was no second person to confirm a guestlist. Whatever, it was dead.

Saturdays @ Coolabar
- Music is pumping out, tape and escalators are in operation to the bar upstairs. There are two people outside. It was on! We know Coolabar is a shithole, but we want to wow the crowd inside, if there was one.

We run up but the two people inside tell us we can’t go inside, as the place is closed. What!?! You wonder why some places are even open at all if they are closing at 1.30am on a Saturday night.

Bamboo @ Martin Place Bar
- The line is shorter than usual, but there *is* a line, which is better than the other places so far. Entirely asian, and RNB playing outside, it is tempting to go inside, but all four of us were not big fans of paying $25 to go inside. People inside had santa hats on. We could see Jason the resident Korean bum dancer hogging the podium from the outside.

Security came up and spoke with us. We had a short fun chat and perved on some girls walking by, you know, typical man stuff. Security was called to kick out a drunk person. Moments later he is walking out with a drunk girl and 3 of her girlfriends supporting her. haha, it is not classy at all to see a drunk girl, let me tell you that. Security tells the girls it is all ok, and wraps his arms around the two girls beside him. LOL omg he is hitting on drunk girls outside of thd club – I want to be a bouncer now!!! haha, what a sneaky sleaze.

Funky Buddha @ Verandah Bar on Castlereagh St (Martin Place)
Here they recently opened the trance room again (after a 3 or 4 year absence). Cover is $20, crowd is asian, music is RNB and trance.

We ask some girls who left Funky Buddah if it was any good.
“Average” was the reply. It was in other words, shit. There was, though, a line outside, so it must be somewhat ok.

I do want to check it out as it’s been a while, and I have to see how the Trance room looks now.

Saturdays @ Red Room Hotel Chambers on Castlereagh St (Martin Place)
We were able to peek inside from the entrance – and even though it looked crowded, it didn’t seem like a fun atmosphere. Music was old school RNB, with a cover charge of $20 and an asian crowd.

Tank Nightclub (Bridge lane)
OneLove moved to the Bourbon about a month ago, and we did not know if there was any event, so we took a punt and walked here. It was, unfortunately, closed. (At the time writing, Onelove @ the Bourbon has also shut its doors)… I think I might start a new event here! ha.

20/20 @ Brooklyn Hotel (George St Circular Quay)
Ever since Privilege closed for renovations a few weeks ago, promoters Hypnotize moved their Saturday event to Brooklyn and joined with Urban Agent to help out. The result is that my favourite place to go for free drunk girls and $17 Vodka Red Bulls has turned into a cover charged event full of not so drunk people. I yearn for the former glory days of seediness.

I peek inside the main rnb room and it is pretty packed. I go around the back and look down in the outdoor courtyard area where they are playing house/trance. Back in the no-cover charge days, the place usually had 5-10 people dancing max, while the others sit and watch. Now with the help of the promoters, the entire back area as PACKED. Jesus fucking christ I could not believe what I was seeing – Brooklyn Hotel actually packed out! I could not see any concrete, it was just a sea of people standing up, dancing and cheering. It looked pretty awesome. The bartenders must be having a hard time adjusting to actually having to work non-stop.

However my friends, still don’t want to go inside. They are pretty adamant about not going inside here, considering the crappy times they had the last few times. haha.

Also, regular patrons here (i.e. the islanders) were lining up to get in, not knowing that they need to pay entry. There were some outside, thinking of other places to go. So the crowd inside was a mix of islanders, asians and aussies. Cover charge I am guessing is $20. Based on what I saw, it looks good.

Sienna @ Establishment on George St
We are just walking by. They’re playing house music, though I had thought Sienna was an RNB event. The crowd is dominantly Euro, and cover charge is $20. I do need to check this place out too. It looked pretty busy from what we could see

Saturdays @ Ivy on George St
Loud, and looking quite busy. We can’t see inside from the street but we can hear people cheering from the inside. Sounds like fun. Am definitely going to spend a night here one day next year.

Saturdays @ Bar 333 on George St (2am)
Bottom level was closed and upstairs looked pretty dead.

Arrivederci
By this time we have given up, and we have managed to end up back where we started – standing outside Star Bar. I was dying to do any form of dance, but friends were puffed out from walking up and down the CBD for 2 hours. Fair enough, but I wish they were keen for a dance!! So we called it a night.

Recommendation
If I had to pick a club tonight, it would be 20/20 @ Brooklyn Hotel.

A friend of a friend’s birthday at Cargo Bar.

Timeline

We find a spot at te very front of the dance area – right in front of the speakers. It was really loud, and I’m sure my friends were experiencing it too, but the logistics to move your friends from one area to another was far too great to even bother.

The logistics of moving friends

Parameters: All men
Approach: Tell them all to ‘move’ somewhere else, helps if you mention ‘more chicks’.

Parameters: Mixed men and women
Approach: Tell the men to ‘move’ somewhere else, helps if you mention ‘more chicks’. Women possibly to follow.

Parameters: All women
Approach: Don’t bother. What a hassle moving all their handbags.

I am recognized by a girl I had danced with.. 20 months ago
I say hi to the birthday girl. Her friend looks at me. I look back at her. She has a face of realisation and she screams:

“HAY! IT’S YOU!!  OMG! DO YOU KNOW WHATSHERFACE AS WELL?? REMEMBER ME? WE DANCED AT BAR 333!!”
“Hey! Oh wow hi!! Yeah I know whatsherface! Yeah – I remember Bar 333!!”

I had no idea who she was. I’ve danced at Bar 333 twice, and only the first time did I dance with a group of Asian  girls. That was 20 months ago.

“I still have photos of you dancing in bar 333!!” she adds. So, I must have a very photogenic face for her to remember me after 20 months I made her promise to show me these photos one day.
The dance corner
Our little corner was where all these crazy dancers went. There were no girls, but we all dance well and saw some interesting moves to add to the set.
Sadly though it was in the corner, and not many people in Cargo could see the magic happening over here.

Coda
Left around 2.30am, very tired but content to get some proper dancing out of the system this week. Tried to get into Helm Bar but it was too late to get in.

Cargo Bar
Event: Cool Runnings (based off the movie of Jamaican bobsledders)
Music: Reggae / RNB / House
Crowd: Mixed
Dress Code: Smart Casual
Cover Charge / Entry Fee: Guestlist only for Cool Runnings, free for downstairs general access
Occurence: Once off
Atmosphere: Fun

Timeline Upstairs
Almost rejected at the door.. what’s my name again?
A friend submitted a guestlist. So I walked up..
Cargo: Name on guestlist?
Me: Archimedes, under ______
Cargo: Archimedes… Last name?
Me: _______
Cargo: *flicks through* Oh do you want to be a Aristotle, or a Archipelago?

Me: lol, no?
Cargo: ..because your name is not here. (oh) Are you alone?
Me: Yes
Cargo: Alright, we’ll let you in, just show us your ID.
Me: (In the most casual of manners, hands over licence with the name ‘JAMES TRAN‘ written all over it)
Cargo: Ok, come in!

(Upstairs) Music and Atmosphere
Was here for Josh’s birthday. Upstairs was pretty busy .. both ends of the bar had dancers which was good. All the staff were wearing Dreadlock hats, Jamaican beanies, winter olympic bobsled outfits, fur coats.. it was in general a pretty fun atmosphere.  The music though, was sometimes questionable (well I didnt know the songs).. but provided for a fun loving cosy experience as it was mostly reggae or songs whose singers were from jamaica. most of the main crowd were for Josh’s birthday but it was only 9-10pm and so it was a good start, everyone there was jumping up and down.  We left at 10pm

Timeline (Downstairs)

At this point I was supposed to return to my friends who were drinking somewhere, but I wanted to check out the downstairs scene quickly. It was more subdued downstairs.. all the staff were normally dressed, and there were about 20 people on the dancefloor, dancing quite passively.

First approach
I danced but felt odd seeing a girl dance alone and not do something about it. After a song I told her how I thought it was brave of her to dance alone. She said she was actually waiting for a friend. Oh uh… made some small chat and said I’d leave once the friend came. Her friend came, and thank god, it was a girl. More small chat and moved on.

Mirror dancing with a girl
At the front the DJ booth is really shiny black – you can see yourself in the reflection. I danced and looked at my moves. A girl next to me copies me and it’s on, but she refuses to answer my questions, instead smiling. Fair enough. I advance, and she backs up, but her friends behind her push her back into me. Haha, my own little army of wingmen. Since she’s still not wanting to converse with me (but still wants to dance) I leave.

Drunk woman has a crack on me.. what was i thinking
At the bar with my glass of water and I turn around. Theres a woman on the wrong side of 30 looking at me with her man friend next to her. I smile and pull a small move. She responds and mirrors me. It’s on. She walks up to me and its straight into the body body grinding. She keeps telling me she has no idea what is going on. She responds incoherently to my questions… She’s drunk. Her man friend disappears – probably a random at the bar. After some awkward salsa moves (I really need some salsa lessons).. a bit of flirting.. I span her around a few times (probably a bad move in hindsight) … and we kiss.. all in about 5 minutes. Hallelujah for drunk girls.

Then she tell me she has to go to the bathroom to vomit…. hallelujah again. I should be distubed by now but my hormones were on overdrive…

Random drunk guy loves my hair
While she’s vomiting I dance with a guy who keeps touching the tips of my wig. So were two of his female companions. They were here for a hen’s night. After bout 10 minutes, the girl hasnt come out yet and this guy has touched my hair about 5 times, he is absolutely fascinated by it. I just give up and give him the hair to try. My gosh. His face beamed like a 5 year old child at christmas. He jumped around and approached every girl in visible sight, shook his hair and yelped, complete with beer in hand. One of the girls only noticed I took off the wig 5 minutes later. Funny blonde.

More dancing with the first set of girls
I returned to the two girls I first met, and they were still alone. They were very receptive and we danced it off. Amazingly, these two were the most energetic dancers I’ve met. The way they danced was almost exactly like me. They would do the silly retro moves, the house/rnb moves.. and were pretty keen on anything. They were like female versions of myself. Their names were Liz and Karen. As we danced, the girls seated were just staring at us.. silently jealous. Same with the circle of girls on the other side.. lol. Shame theres only one of me.

The manager spoils my fun with the drunk girl
After about 20 minutes she emerged from the bathroom. We chit chat, she’s all over me again. She says she wants to go home……… score.

We’re about to go, and some guy comes up and introduces himself to her as the Manager of Cargo bar. Fuck. Initially I thought it was some random guy, but I looked behind him – there were 5 or 6 bouncers behind him. WTF! Was i that menacing? He says to her that he wanted to check if she was ok. It was over. I left the situation and let her drunken responses take care of the rest.

Coda Cargo
After some more hectic dancing with Karen and Liz they suggested Bar 333, so we left. On the way there we bumped into 2 other cargo people who saw us dancing – Fadi and his girlfriend. They joined us onward..

About Fridays @ Bar 333
Music: House, Retro
Crowd: Mixed Older
Dress Code: Casual accepted, mostly smart casual
Cover Charge / Entry Fee: Free
Occurence: Weekly
Atmosphere: Fun, but not much room for dancing

Timeline
When we got in, the corner dance floor (about 5×5 metres) was packed so we took to the walkway towards the bar as the dancefloor. Last time I came to Bar 333 I danced here. Apparently Karen and Liz danced on the same area as well. These two were really the female versions of me.

Guys, upon guys, upon guys
A guy dancing with two crazy ass girls gets attention. There weren’t many other girls there that night but there were lots of guys. We all did our thing, and I had pretty much a few guys come up to me talking to me, using me to get to know the girls. At least buy me a drink!! lol. Met Josh the JT lookalike, some random guys at the bar, the bartender hi-5′s me, the turkish guy who’s been in sydney 2 weeks.. but no new girls. Interesting.

Music
Pretty good classics played but there were some old songs I didn’t recognise.. I guess I’m not that old yet. All fun though.

Coda (Bar 333)
They kicked everyone out at 2.45.. by that time the corner dancefloor was empty, and it was only us 3 plus the JT lookalike dancing. Karen and Liz agreed to meet up again for more dancing in the future.

About Bar 333:
Location: 333 George St
Atmosphere: Somewhat classy. A big mix of old and young. Everyone is really just here to have a drink.
Cover Charge: Free. It’s a bar !
The place itself: Bar 333 is two levels of bars and drinking. The dance floor is located upstairs. When you get upstairs, you see lots of lounges and people drinking. Look to the far right corner and you can see the small dancefloor. It is about the area of a single car garage. You could probably put 16 people on there before it gets squashed.
Music: Mix of RnB to House to Retro from the speakers.

Experiences
Went straight to the little floor. Theres already A circle of 6 people and a couple. I’m feeling very lonely. The only place to dance was between the circle and against the wall. Nobody could see me. I was nothing. I left and sat with the guys who found some seats near the stairs in the middle of the top floor.

Air slapped
I took a chair, and suddenly a man in his 40s/50s goes right up to me and air-face-slaps me! argh! I was sitting on his jacket. I stood up, apologized and offered the seat back. He smiled and allowed me to sit. Joe and Cherryl were wildly waving their arms in exasperation, telling me to sit normally like them along the wall. So I did. The jacket sat on its own in that comfy chair.

Mambo No. 5
There were two women dancing on the carpet near us. Everyone was gawking at them. 1 was pretty hot, and 2 was average. It’s always the girls who dance first. Swallowing my dutch courage, I went right up and danced with them.

Danced with 2 first, who wasn’t rejecting me, but wasn’t accepting too much. Just a smile and a continuation of dancing. Maybe it was her first time. She was probably mid 30′s. They hadn’t walked away so it was good. Danced with hottie 1 and she was pretty fun – late 20s my guess. I could literally feel all the eyes of the men all around looking at me as I danced with these two in the middle of the carpet.

After that, DJ plays a song, some more girls come up. Two women, 3 and 4 come up and tell me that I was “so cool!”. 3 and 4 were women in their 30s I hazard a guess. I was obliged to say thanks and give them both a dance. Joe was dancing by this stage too, so we made a nice sandwich with girl 3.

After we finished with girls 3 and 4, I turned around. Girls 4 and 5, late 20 asians were standing and staring at me. We caught each others eyes. They both started some hypnotic hip dance but didn’t dance.. they walked away. Were they scared of me or leaving an impression?

Got back and danced with Cherryl, Joe, and Jessica.

Suddenly I felt something. It was girl 6. A pretty thing named Anna in a white outfit, grinding on me. How lovely. I wanted to jump on her. She had her own circle of friends of girls and guys. Anna was a good dancer with her body. I really couldn’t tell if she was taken or not. My brain was pretty much yelling “omg is this really happening to me?”.

Girl 7, a friend of Anna’s in a black one piece, tried to push Anna onto me, so i rewarded her by going right up to her and giving her some dance. Usually girls would run away at this point but she opened up and let me dance, and she reciprocated! Haha that was funny. I think I told her “you’re too easy!”.

Girls 6 Anna and 7, drunko

So, I joined back with my original group. Danced some more. I saw a camera flash. I caught someone taking a photo of me from the lounges! It was Girls 8 and 9 on a holiday to Sydney.

I made them take a proper photo of me. Girls 8 and 9 were sisters. I danced with the older sister.. and she was a machine. She just kept shaking her body like she was a walking mobile phone on permanent vibrate. I wanted the photos they took but they refused to give out their emails and wanted mine. I didn’t have a pen. No transaction happened.

All of this still while in the carpeted area outside of the dance floor. Crazy.

Off the carpet onto the floor…
We went to the dancefloor. It was totally packed. Cherryl had attracted the eyes of a business man in his 30′s. He was cool. He worshipped me. I didnt want him to. Cherryl had a fun time.

The music changed from modern, to house, to retro, and now some old school funk. We weren’t quite into it, so we left.

Post-Mortem
Won’t recommend this for a pure clubbing experience. If I find myself here for a drink though, I would definitely go upstairs and dance in the middle area where everybody can see you, and not the dark small dancefloor in the far corner.